Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
