I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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