I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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