I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
