Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
