ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize