I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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