I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
