Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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