Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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