Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
