I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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