WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He keeps bees of course he's weird
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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