Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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