She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
