it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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