whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
