1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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