I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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