We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
