I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my being single is dangerous.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
