Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
