Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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