she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
