fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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