i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
