It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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