Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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