does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We left the knife in your bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
