So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
