I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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