3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
