Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
