I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
