I must be too annoying 4 u.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
