life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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