Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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