How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
