I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
