um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
