He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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