the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
