i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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