Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
