drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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