Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I party with great urgency now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
