I am full of burrito and curiosity
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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