he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
