i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
