Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Never joke about your clitoris.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
