I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
