Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
