making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
