Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
