Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize