Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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