If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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