have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
