just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
