I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
