.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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