you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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