i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
