I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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