Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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