Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
