she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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